Sad 'Ol Saddam

Who would've thunk it? A member of the Axis Of Evil was more than just a dictator and murderer. He was also a tearful ex-tyrant at the end... and quite the ladies' man.

HUSSEIN UNPLUGGED. The Terrorist Watch, a new book from Washington reporter Ronald Kessler, recounts the interrogation of Saddam Hussein by FBI agent George Piro. AFP sums it up:

Piro describes Saddam as having a mania for hygiene, and won his trust by supplying him with copious amounts of baby wipes, to clean his hands and food such as apples.

While praying five times a day in captivity, Saddam also liked fine wine, Johnny Walker Blue Label scotch and Cuban cigars. He also had an eye for the ladies.

"When an American nurse came to draw his blood, Saddam asked Piro to tell her in English that she was cute. Piro demurred," Kessler writes.

Cute, but what about all those WMDs?

Saddam confirmed that he only "pretended" to have retained weapons of mass destruction, to keep arch-rival Iran on the back foot, and believed that he could resume a nuclear program once UN sanctions were eventually lifted.

Outside of the formal interview room, Piro said he and Saddam talked about history, politics, art and sports. Using a notebook given to him by his FBI interrogator, the ruthless fallen dictator began to write love poems.

However, he also admitted gassing the Kurds and underestimating the Bushes, whom he hated. But he came to admire his questioner.

When the interviews were finally complete, Piro said Saddam turned emotional.

"We sat outside, smoked a couple of Cuban cigars, had some coffee, and chatted," the FBI agent recounted. "When we were saying bye, he started to tear up."

And what did Piro think of him?

"However, he was charming, he was charismatic, he was polite, he had a great sense of humor. And yeah, he was likeable," Piro said.

Yeah, we bet Hitler, Mussolini and Stalin were too at parties.

FAT BRAINS. A study from the University of Pittsburgh and University of California suggests curvy women -- ones with big thighs and hips -- have more smarts and pass them on to their kids.

From FOX News:

The researchers suggest that the fat around fuller hips and thighs holds higher levels of omega-3 fatty acids, which are essential for the growth of the brain during pregnancy. Fat around the waist, on the other hand, may have higher levels of omega-6 fatty acids, which are less suited to brain growth, the researchers said.

So go ahead, eat that cupcake. You'll leave behind a smarter generation -- one hopefully smart enough not to watch another season of The Bachelor.

JUNK IN THE TRUNK. Many an eyebrow lifted in your Lightning Round newsroom this week, when we saw this AP bulletin cross the wire:

GAUHATI, India (AP) - In a Nov. 13 story, The Associated Press incorrectly reported that Paris Hilton was praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India. Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, said she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India.

It seems like our trusted wire reporters swallowed an Internet hoax, according to the original story quoted by USA Today:

The Associated Press reports that World Entertainment News Network quotes Hilton saying: "There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn't chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad. The biggest problems are in Assam and Meghalaya. The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them."

Sending them to AA meetings might help, too, if this story weren't a convoluted piece of work... like much of Paris' life.

DIRTY AND HAIRY. A Florida town may need that gorilla detector from the old Muppet Show. People in Glen St. Mary are spotting anonymous apes.

From NBC10.com:

"There is kind of that 'I've seen a bigfoot' type of feel to it," said resident Eric Lawson. "They said it made a nest in that tree, so it's probably somewhere here in the area."

Some believe the mysterious animal is an orangutan -- one local family had found what looked to be an orange ape up high in a tree.

Maybe they need Clint Eastwood instead: "Somebody keep an eye on Clyde!"

PICTURE THIS! Despite the millions pouring into studio coffers every weekend, a new analysis says movies simply don't make money. The reason? Big-name stars are taking their cut off the top through so-called "participation deals," leaving less for everybody else, including the writers and producers now locked in a strike.

The International Herald Tribune reports:

Through the twists and turns of contemporary deal-making, major studios in theory give away as much as 25 percent of a film's receipts under such arrangements.

The actual take is lower, because of certain adjustments. (This is Hollywood, after all.) But a Hanks, Cruise or Carrey whose movie brings $600 million back to the studio from all sources might easily wind up with a $20 million salary, and an additional $50 million on the back end, while an A-list director and producer could take in tens of millions more.

As IHT writer Michael Cieply suggests, maybe the writers and producers should be picketing outside the stars' homes. But what your Lightning Round can't understand is how Hollywood studios continue make profits and lose them at the same time. The studio execs should be working for the Treasury department.

BREAKING UP IS EASY TO DO. You can get married in Vegas at a drive-through chapel, and now you can break up in Broward County, Florida by logging onto the Internet. As the Sun-Sentinel reports:

The Broward County Clerk of Courts launched an online service this month that steers citizens through the application process for filing divorce actions, small claims lawsuits and tenant evictions.

"It kind of guides you through, it asks questions. Once it knows your name, it will put it in every space it should go," said Kris Mazzeo, director of the circuit/civil family division of the clerk of courts.

The self-service system is intended for people who can't afford an attorney or don't want to spend the money on one. Each section provides legal definitions and asks questions to determine which forms need to be filled out. The completed forms can be printed at home and mailed to the clerk's office. Some paperwork requires a notary signature.

Unfortunately, it won't mitigate any backstabbing, money-grubbing or child-pawning. That's still your problem.

WE'RE SHOCKED, SHOCKED! And finally this week, we leave you with this news blooper from Davenport, IA, courtesy of Break. KWQC-TV tried to run a story on a woman recovering from a lightning strike (and no, she hadn't just read one of our stories). If you believe everything you see, it looks like she has a little more recovering to do.