And Away They Go

As Genesis sang in the 1980's, "It's no fun being an illegal alien." Yet so many continue to cross the line, thinking they can live under the radar. Many do, but we have a few words for those who don't.

EXPELLED. Faculty at Catalina Magnet High School in Tucson found marijuana on a student. They called police. Then police called the Border Patrol to the school when they found out he was an illegal immigrant. Now the student and his family have all been deported.

A student protest march followed. Tucson Police say they've changed their policy -- but only a little, as the Arizona Daily Star notes:

Tucson police officers no longer will call Border Patrol agents to schools or churches, [Assistant Chief Roberto] Villaseñor said. However, police will provide information to the federal government that will allow those officials to follow up on the investigation, he said. The change is based on Border Patrol policy not to respond to schools or churches unless agents are asked to do so.

Star columnist Ernesto Portillo notes:

Undocumented immigrants, the bulk of whom keep our economy running, are being chased further underground by heavy-handed incidents like this.
Some at the march said they worried smaller schoolyard infractions, like ditching or fighting, could result in their families being deported.

The students said they are tired of being made to feel unwanted and treated with naked disdain.

We at your Lightning Round empathize with those feelings. But who's the real villain -- the government, or the families of these children for putting them in a position where they could be deported in the first place?

Risking your own neck is one thing. Pulling your family in with you and subjecting them to the same danger is simply cruel. I dare call it a form of child neglect. Parents who love their children don't leave them vulnerable to deportation, regardless of whether they're living better in the U.S. or not.

As for "naked disdain," what about the naked disdain for proper procedure, or for legal immigrants who have put up with the system, its mounds of paperwork, its unfathomable delays and frustrations, and its bureaucratic baloney? What about Mexico's disdain for wanting to solve the problem?

We maintain the best advice is simple -- painful, counter-cultural, politically incorrect, yet simple: don't immigrate illegally.

ANYTHING WE FIND UNDER THE BED CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN A COURT OF LAW. Children in the Tucson Police Department's gang-outreach program may have their rooms searched by cops, if both the kids and their parents consent.

As the Arizona Daily Star reports:

The searches, police and City Council members say, are meant to be educational, showing concerned parents signs of gang activity.

...

"Ultimately our goal is to help these kids stay away from gangs," said Sgt. Greg Mammana, who heads the gang unit. "It's all done on a consent basis. … There is nothing in terms of us going in there to identify stuff to arrest anyone."

But Mammana acknowledged that if criminal evidence was found, police would take appropriate action.

We just have to wonder what signs of "gang activity" the police are looking for.

Do the 20th Street Dawgs hand out membership cards now? Do the Crips have a handbook? Are the kids violating their acceptable quota of red or blue bandannas and headwraps?

REMEMBER, REMEMBER THE CASH OF NOVEMBER. Your Lightning Round staffers have been sitting on their hands, politely yet begrudgingly abstaining from sharing exactly what they think about Ron Paul. However, we couldn't ignore how he raised more than $4 million in one day on Monday, which happened to be Guy Fawkes Day.

From the AP:

Fawkes was a British mercenary who failed in his attempt to kill King James I on Nov. 5, 1605. He also was the model for the protagonist in the movie "V for Vendetta." Paul backers motivated donors on the Internet with mashed-up clips of the film on the online video site YouTube as well as the Guy Fawkes Day refrain: "Remember, remember the 5th of November."

We liked V For Vendetta. However, let us also remember, remember Fawkes tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament.

So when Paul says he's running for the White House -- oh, we shudder to think about what he's going to do if he gets there.

THE COMMANDMENTS YOU CAN'T REFUSE. The London Daily Mail reports police found a list of the Mafia's "Ten Commandments" after arresting a top Godfather in Sicily.

Here they are, and we translated them into "commandmentese."

1. Thou shalt not present thyself directly to a Mafioso. A third person must do such.
2. Thou shalt not covet wives of thine friends.
3. Thou shalt not be seen with cops.
4. Thou shalt not partake of pubs and clubs.
5. Thou shalt always be available for The Family, even if thy wife is great with child.
6. Thou shalt always respect appointments.
7. Thou shalt honour thy wife.
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness when asked for any information.
9. Thou shalt not appropriate money belonging to others.
10. Anyone with a close relative of the cops, kin who bear false witness, and those bereft of morality cannot be a member of The Family.

Number 8 seems odd given the Mafia code of silence. And we wonder about Number 4, given Tony Soprano's office in the back of the "Bing."

WE ARE... REINDEER! We leave you with a trailer for a holiday classic like you've never seen it before.