It All Comes Down To This

In the third and final part of Lady Darley's letter, she talks about the future and expands upon a tawdry revelation about an acquaintance.

I'm sorry that I won't be going back to the United States but I can't really see that happening, at least for several years. Possibly after I have been to college I would like to move out to either Italy or America. The only thing that puts me off is the large spiders and the violence. But there's just something about the two countries that draws me to them.

It's really true what you said about [Molly] - but she really appears to believe that boasting about the sex and positions, it reflects on her femininity. But really to me, he makes her look cheap. I'd say that it was something private that they should share together, but [she] appears to want it splashed all over the school gossip column. She is a really nice girl and I do like her but I object to the idea of her promoting the idea of her sexual conquests. She says it's due to my jealousy, but I flatly deny.

In your mind, not in front of me, raise your hand if somebody belittled you and called you jealous because you decided your sex life wasn't for public entertainment.

Remember when Lady Darley said she wouldn't ask about my Raytown friend anymore, the one who introduced her to me? It seems neither of us can let go.

I was really upset about the way [your Raytown friend] stopped writing to me. I don't really know what on earth I ever did to make her dislike me so much, but it really upset me. I thought we got on really well with one another, and I can't really understand why on earth she did that. We had the same interests, liked similar music and got on extremely well with one another. Please write to her soon as I am dying to know why. I am really grateful to you for trying to find out for me as she's never even replied back to me.

She didn't reply to your humble servant, either. She never has.

Now she answers a sentiment about drinking. I have no clue what I said to her about it or the context.

It really annoys me about people's negative opinions to drinking. Yes, I agree with the idea of excessive drinking being a bit 'lavish,' but I really disagree with the negative stereotype. I don't see anything wrong in drinking as though it's not to excess as well as if it doesn't endanger the lives of others. It's not as though it makes people evil -- you seem to believe that people are morally bad if they drink. I don't agree!

Huh? I will admit to you I have an inner Puritan living inside of me, but even they made and consumed potent potables. And I took more than a few drinks when I came of age. What made me turn up my nose at boozing? Probably all the the miscreant mischief that went with it.

Thanks for trying to get me a bumper sticker [of Kansas City] -- I would really appreciate it.

I was thinking about what you said about meeting, it would be nice one day, but odd in another perspective as, don't you find when you write to someone you tell them far more than you would in person. I know that I have told you some things I wouldn't have told [your Raytown friend] or even if I'd seen you in person. Don't you find that's true?

My eighteenth birthday happened about a month ago. I didn't have a part as such, I went out with my friends from school during the school day and I went out with my friends from home at nighttime. The present I got from my parents was a word processor as I've wanted one for a heck of a long time - as you know.

Well I hope I haven't bored you too much with my extremely long letter, but there was much to catch you up on.

Please write me soon as I like to hear from you, especially with news from [your Raytown friend] hopefully.

Love,
[Lady Darley]

And that's all she wrote. I have no further letters from her. I don't know if I stopped writing, or she stopped writing. We were both growing up, becoming adults and putting away childish things. I was eager to finish college and move on with my life. Lady Darley didn't fit into those plans.

Now, some two decades later, I've conducted a rudimentary search for her. She is not on Facebook, and that doesn't surprise me, seeing the value she puts on her relationships. I have found she is still living in that English village. Now the question is -- do I reach out to her again? I have to say no, not after publishing all these letters, albeit under a different name and with her friends' names changed. Somewhere in the conversation, I'm going to have to reveal the presence of these postings.

This begs the question, why did I do this? Because other people's insight can shed light on you, how you were and are. I know I have only half the conversation posted here, but I can make some clear guesses about where I was as a person in my teenage years. Going over these letters was like meeting Lady Darley all over again. I picked up things I never considered.

You bet I have regrets. I have a lot of regrets from my teenage years. I gather a lot of us do. A lot of us would relish the chance to jump into Doc's DeLorean and zoom back to 1984 to reboot our lives. That's not how it works, though, and for good reason. Our cluelessness shapes us just as much as our wisdom.

I have no doubt Lady Darley is all right. Not that I'm still curious from thousands of miles away.

If by chance she decides to reconnect, or I decide to reconnect, we'll have a lot of life to catch up on: where we went, what we learned, and what's next.