Friday, April 27, 2007

Save The Cheerleader

Analysis of the criminal mind produces much insight and fascination. It's also good for a few cheap laughs.

GIMME AN "H," GIMME AN "E," GIMME AN "L," GIMME A "P!" The FBI is trying to track down who sent threatening letters concerning TV coverage of cheerleaders and female athletes to several colleges across the country, including the University of Arizona in your Lightning Round's backyard.

The letters claim coverage and camera angles of the peppy crowd pleasers is less than fair and balanced, according to excerpts released by the FBI:
"We are fed up with networks exploiting women in sports coverage. ABC/ESPN exploit collegiate and professional cheer squads in their coverage of football and basketball... Compare coverage of cheer and dance squads based on their outfits they wear. Compare quality of shots, length of shots and number of shots Pigs park their cameras on us close up, front view, dozens of times each game, yet rarely ever show on TV in this manner, unless squads are wearing sweaters, jackets, under shirts, etc... Watch how they always zoom in on WNBA players shooting free throws then leave at the last second as she starts to shoot, disrupting the flow. Watch on ESPN how they will show women serve, close up, from every angle (side, back) EXCEPT when they zoom in close front, they will leave as she starts to serve, disrupting the flow. We have asked nicely for them to respect us and all women, yet they refuse. They exploit innocent people, so we will too. When they start respecting us, we stop mailing these out."
Somebody stop them before they mail again!

Another excerpt:
"For the past 6-7 years, ESPN and its nationwide networks have exploited cheer/dance teams all across the country. They do this by parking their TV cameras on these women for their own personal entertainment, but only give TV time to squads that wear long sleeved shirts, jackets, sweaters, etc. The squads that don't wear these types of outfits? They get EXPLOITED. For a long time we have warned ESPN the networks and several schools what would happen if this did not change. For the last 6 years, Ohio State cheerleaders have received more TV time than any other Division 1A cheer squad on ESPN, because they wear long sleeved red/white outfits. If they wore sleeveless outfits, they would not get ANY TV time. So, we are fed up with this constant exploitation."
So our sideline watchdog claims exploitation, and then complains that we don't see enough skin. The Lightning Round sluths have a suspect in mind: Larry Flynt.

SHE'S THE BOSS. China is creating a town where the men are men, the women are women, and the women rule the men.

Reports Reuters:
When tour groups enter the town, female tourists would play the dominant role when shopping or choosing a place to stay, and a disobedient man would be punished by "kneeling on an uneven board" or washing dishes in restaurant, media reports said.
Get those disgusting fantasies out of your head. Really...

...AND THEN THERE WERE NONE. Your vote is... oh, you know the rest by now, don't you? A Florida lawmaker wants to put "I choose not to vote" on the ballot as an option for people who want to exercise their right but cringe at the choices. In essence, Republican Mike Bennett is reviving the "None Of The Above" option. The idea has surfaced before only to dissolve for two main reasons: 1) No politician wants to get beat by a "nobody." 2) The people who stay home from the polls are already voting, in a way, for none of the above.

The idea, untested and unproven, is to force candidates to earn a mandate by broadening their appeal and shame those who don't with the stigma of a victorious null contender. Some winners would end up losers in the big picture. We could call this the "I hate politicians" option, for that's what it's all about: a ventilation device for the angry voter. But in the absence of mandatory, coerced voting, your Lightning Round staff sees no need for a state-sponsored temper tantrum.

Besides, you already have a "none of the above" option. It's called voting for Ralph Nader.

ELECTORAL IDOL. Or, you could vote for whoever Mark Burnett offers up. He's teaming up with MySpace to shop a show which would search for an independent presidential candidate for 2008.

From the AP:
The political reality show "Independent" comes with a $1 million cash prize and a catch: the winner can't keep the money.

The prize can be used to finance a run for the White House or can be given to a political action committee or political cause.

Contestants in the show, set to launch in early 2008, will meet the public and interact with supporters, protesters and others. An interactive "town hall" will give MySpace users and TV viewers a chance to rate their performance.
No network has picked up the show yet. They're already convinced the winner will be Sanjaya.

HALF ENOUGH? U.S. Army Sgt. Jim Wilt wonders why flags are lowered to half-staff at his base in Afghanistan for the victims of the Virginia Tech shootings and not for service members killed in action.

From FOX News:
"I think it is sad that we do not raise the bases' flag to half-staff when a member of our own task force dies," Wilt wrote. "I can understand not lowering flags across the country for the death of a single service member. But shouldn't the service member's state lower the flag to show their respect to the fallen trooper, if only for one day? Some states do, but not all of them."
A point worth considering for every state in the union. Sadly, a few states might not be raising their flags to full staff for awhile.

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