The Lightning Round:Put Your Back Into Your Work

PR folks tell politicians to live with the rule, "the camera is always on." But the microphone was also on this week, and eyebrows raised by a four-letter word hit the ceiling when they saw a certain executive action...

RUBBED THE WRONG WAY. President Bush gave a quick back rub to German Chancellor Angela Merkel during the G8 summit, and the video is all over the place. The action barely lasts a second, long enough for Merkel to throw her hands up. Now, if she hadn't thrown her hands up, do you believe this clip would be making such a fuss?

How soon we forget another political rule: "You scratch my back, I scratch yours."

For a few others, especially Ted Kennedy, buying dinner is involved.

FIRST THING, LET'S RENAME ALL THE LAWYERS. The American Trial Lawyers Association is rebranding itself as the American Association For Justice. Spokeswoman Chris Mather says the new name "reflects whose side we're on in the fight for justice."

Notice the new name includes neither "trial" nor "lawyer."

From The West Virginia Record:

Lisa A. Rickard, president of the U.S. Chamber Institute for Legal Reform, called the vote "an astounding admission of the unpopularity of trial lawyers in America."

"But the sad fact is that trial lawyers have no one to blame but themselves for their low esteem," she said Wednesday in a written statement. "Decades of abuse of the civil justice system by some of their members have created a sue-happy litigation climate that results in lost jobs, higher consumer prices, and ultimately, little justice for anyone-even the victims that they represent."

That should answer the question of whether a name change is enough. But while we're tweaking terminology, we're thinking of a few other name changes congruent with the Association's new vision of the majesty of law.

Prosecutor -- will now be known as "Advocate Of Justice" (or, "A.J." for short)

Public Defender -- now, "Advocate Of The Accused" (or, "Double-A")

Lawyers in civil trials -- just "Advocate"

Judge -- "Master Of The Court" (or, "M.C.")

Jury -- "Council Of Decision" ("C.D.")

Plaintiff -- "Summoner Of Justice"

Defendant -- "Respondent Of Accusations" ("Respondent" is used already in many jurisdictions. Why not glorify it a little more?)

REAL MINUTEMEN WEAR TRICORNS (CONTINUED). They keep good watch on the border, but not on their dollars and cents, according to a Washington Times story. The paper can't verify the numbers provided by founder Chris Simcox. And why do they need to funnel it through conservative commentator Alan Keyes' organization?

This much is certain -- the money isn't going into their border fences.

FAKING IT. When you need to tell a big lie about where you've been on vacation, a Russian company is here to serve you.

For $500, here's what you get from Persey Tours, according to the L.A. Times and Fox News:

...They go out of their way to provide vacation vouchers like ticket stubs, doctored photos, souvenirs and forged hotel receipts...

We at The Lightning Round are wondering if this is a former KGB paperwork-doctoring outfit looking for post-Cold War opportunities.

PLAYING GOD? IN SAMUEL WE TRUST. Samuel L. Jackson will be the voice of The Almighty in a new audiobook version of the New Testament. We think he's got the juice for it, especially after his memorable speech in Pulp Fiction derived from Ezekiel 25:17:

"...And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"

Then again, this is the same guy who utters in the upcoming movie Snakes On A Plane, "I've had it with these m%$&^#@ing snakes on this m%$&^#@ing plane!"

Ten Commandments material, he's not. But some think so.