We're Shocked, Shocked

SPECIAL REPORT

You know full well things have been pretty sleepy around LR's world headquarters. The official claim is high gas prices and its inhibiting factors on the commute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We caught the layout editors sitting by the Rillito River the other day, waiting for that first big wave of monsoon water to wash downstream. We're hearing bets on whether it will contain dead trees, an SUV or a certain Tucson political figure, but that beat's for our gossip columnist -- if he'll ever get off the phone.

Otherwise, we recently came across these items in regards to your personal security... or lack of it.

FASTEN YOUR BELTS BEFORE FLIGHT. The Department of Homeland Security may be looking into a shock bracelet for airplane passengers. According to the Washington Times...

The Electronic ID Bracelet, as it’s referred to as, would be worn by every traveler “until they disembark the flight at their destination.” Yes, you read that correctly. Every airline passenger would be tracked by a government-funded GPS, containing personal, private and confidential information, and that it would shock the customer worse than an electronic dog collar if he/she got out of line?

Your Lightning Round editor already hears frustrated passengers begging to bracelet the guy in the seat behind them. And I'd be careful about asking for the whole can of soda, too.

I'LL COME QUIETLY OFFICER, BUT COULD YOU TELL THIS GUY IN MY HEAD TO SHUT UP? A new ray gun in development is supposed to make you think people are talking to you inside your head -- handy for riot neutralization.

From Gizmodo.com:

Short for Mob Excess Deterrent Using Silent Audio, MEDUSA creates the audio effect with short microwave pulses. The pulses create a shockwave inside the skull that's detected by the ears, and basically makes you think you're going [bleep!] insane. The MEDUSA can also "produce recognizable sounds" and is aimed primarily at military uses, but New Scientist revealed there are other uses in the works, too.

Gizmodo worries about possible abuses including subliminal advertising. Your Lightning Round also worries about what happens when you take a group of crazy people and just make them crazier.

ZAPPING THE OPPOSITION. A court fight is underway in Denver, where the ACLU wants to know more about hush-hush high-tech weapons planned for demonstrators who don't behave during the Democratic National Convention. CNN and The Raw Story learned about a couple of them:

Weapons such as the sonic ray gun, which emits a head-splitting frequency and deafens large groups of people. Also rumored for the conventions is the goo gun -- which shoots a gel that can coat and wrap people whole, or stop a moving vehicle in its path -- and a microwave pulse emitter -- a radio frequency device that makes one's skin feel it is on fire, previously deployed in the streets of Baghdad, Iraq.

The goo gun sounds intriguing to us. What does one do after getting "slimed?" (Somebody brought up that scene in Fantastic Voyage where sticky green antibodies wrap themselves around Raquel Welch's top-heavy figure.) We gather it won't be as easy as hosing somebody down. Maybe somebody at Nickelodeon can help; they've dealt with slimy kids for years now.

AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS... Sid and Marty Krofft may have come up with an effective crowd-control ray gun.