You Can't Please Everyone

An interesting lesson in tolerance gone wild is coming to your Lightning Round from Green Bay, Wisconsin.

SEASON'S BLEATINGS. It all started when the city approved a Nativity scene in a public park, thumbing its nose at a threat by an aethist organization. Then, in the name of diversity, they allowed a Wiccan pentacle. But the mayor is drawing the line at a Festivus pole.

From All Headline News:

In Green Bay's case, after criticism of its Nativity scene reached a peak, an area man who attends a mainstream church suggested putting up a Festivus pole as a tongue-in-cheek response to the conflict that the mayor didn't appreciate.

As far as the pole is concerned, according to the Festivus web site, although it has no set rituals, many who observe Festivus use an unadorned metal pole of any size, displayed in any manner to symbolize nothing.

Sean Ryan of Allouez, a practicing Catholic, said he made the request to highlight how deciding what a religious group gets to display on public property can become an exercise in absurdity.

We don't need a Festivus pole to tell us that.

THE REAL SANTA CLAUSE. Toys with lead? Small swallowable parts? Choking hazards? Nope, nope, nope. Your biggest liability threat this Christmas is those cookies you're leaving out for Santa. Your Lightning Round recently came across this press release from the Center For Consumer Freedom, a self-described "nonprofit coalition supported by restaurants, food companies, and consumers, working together to promote personal responsibility and protect consumer choices."

With Christmas quickly approaching, millions of Americans are preparing to celebrate time-honored traditions like caroling, tree-trimming, and leaving cookies and milk out for Santa. But in todays era of trans fat bans and frivolous lawsuits, serving baked goods to the jolly old fat man could put you on the receiving end of a very un-merry obesity lawsuit.

Before he wolfs down the cookies, the Center for Consumer Freedom (CCF) suggests demanding that Kris Kringle sign a "Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement."

With this waiver, which comes in carbon copy triplicate, families can spend Christmas morning opening presents, instead of retaining the services of a lawyer. They can also protect themselves from humbug lawsuits filed by Scrooge-like attorneys who threaten to sue restaurants, food companies, school boards, doctors, and even parents for the nation's extra pounds.

You can download a PDF of the waiver here. Leave it next to the plate. And remember, Santa only eats the cookies; lawyers will eat you alive.

GIFT OF HEALTH. Medical gift cards are a hot stocking-stuffer this Christmas. WCBS-TV reports they can be used for just about any health expense:

The card is issued by Visa, so it can be used anywhere Visa is accepted for health-related services. They are not sold in stores and need to be purchased online or over the phone for up to $5,000.

"The peak audience we believe though is women 35-50, the famous sandwich generation," [Kim] Bellard of [givewell.com] said. "So, they've got parents that have health needs, and they've got a spouse that has health needs, and older children going off to college or living on their own that have health needs."

And it's the gift that keeps on giving.

How does the card impact medical deductions? The person who uses it gets any eligible write-off.

"Be sure to record how much you spent on that card because that is a legitimate medical expense that you can use when you fill out your taxes," said Jack Gillis of the Consumer Federation of America.

Can you claim you're sick of paying taxes, too?

SURVIVAL OF THE LEAFIEST. A British scientist theorizes woolly mammoths were killed off by trees, as Environmental Graffiti reports:

It all comes down to food. Mammoths thrived most in large areas of frozen grassland. Around 10,000 years ago, temperatures started to rise. The frozen grasslands where the animals lived and fed started to be replaced by forests expanding from the warmer climates. No more frozen grasslands meant no more food.

If the trees grew over Starbucks, would humans fade into extinction, too?

PEACE ON EARTH? A fight broke out at an elementary school in High Point, North Carolina... involving parents... during a Christmas program (for cryin' out loud).

Fox affiliates WTVT & WGHP show the fracas caught on tape:



Oak Hill Elementary Principal Sara Roberts told WGHP:

According to witnesses, the argument started by a father who approached another student about pushing his daughter while on stage. The one parent (not of the student who pushed) told the father to not talk to a child about that but to take it up with the principal. At that point, two other parents (twin sisters) began yelling and shouting. I had to stop the program and remind everyone to be respectful to the children on stage. However, the yelling escalated further and thus the fight began.

The police were called to help by multiple members of the audience as well as a staff member who was directed to call by me. Once the police arrived, only a few people who were actually involved were questioned. However the twin sisters had left the school property by then.

Police didn't make any arrests. But Santa was there taking names.

SPLITSVILLE. The tribe of Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse is no longer part of the United States. Lakota Indians say they're seceding from the union. As AFP reports:

Lakota country includes parts of the states of Nebraska, South Dakota, North Dakota, Montana and Wyoming.

The new country would issue its own passports and driving licences, and living there would be tax-free -- provided residents renounce their US citizenship, Means said.

The treaties signed with the United States are merely "worthless words on worthless paper," the Lakota freedom activists say on their website.

The treaties have been "repeatedly violated in order to steal our culture, our land and our ability to maintain our way of life," the reborn freedom movement says.

Funny, they didn't think they were stealing anything in 1776 when they defeated the Cheyenne and took over their land... while the rest of us were fighting to keep ours.

FOLLOW THE STAR. A University of Notre Dame professor says he's figured out the science behind that beloved Christmas symbol announcing the birth of the King Of Kings. Grant Mathews says it was an alignment of the planets, as the AP reports:

He said there are three likely times for this:

--Feb. 20, 6 B.C., when Mars, Jupiter and Saturn aligned in the constellation Pisces.

--April 17, 6 B.C., when the sun, Jupiter, the moon and Saturn aligned in the constellation Aries while Venus and Mars were in neighboring constellations.

--June 17, 2 B.C., when Jupiter and Venus were closely aligned in Leo.

Mathews believes the April 17, 6 B.C., alignment is the most likely candidate. It makes sense because he believes the wise men were Zoroastrian astrologers who would have recognized the planetary alignment in Aries as a sign a powerful leader was born.

Mathews isn't completely convinced though, and he needs more historical documentation to back up his theory. But the rest of us -- including your Lightning Round editor -- already have plenty of facts behind our faith, and we Praise God For That.

Merry Christmas!