Flagged For Ridicule

Your Lightning Round editor-in-chief senses the entire immigration debate bounding through the gate of animosity into the garden of absurdity. And we need look no further than our city of headquarters to find the awful truth.

THEY'VE GOTTA GO. For more than 50 years, a Mexican flag has flown alongside a U.S. Flag at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum in Tucson, reflecting the fact that the Sonoran Desert stretches across the border. But no more. And Old Glory's gone as well. The flags, the poles, everything must go as the Museum operates on the old loony PR principle that it's easier to cheese off the many versus the few.

The Arizona Daily Star says it all came down to nagging questions and a threat:

Questions from visitors about why the Mexican flag was being flown on U.S. soil escalated in the past couple of years, said board chairwoman Sophia Kaluzniacki.

An anonymous death threat against the museum's animals made earlier this year by a phone caller also factored into the [museum] board's decision, but to a lesser degree, she said. The desire to avoid controversy on border-related issues was the main thrust, she said.

Winifred "Wynee" Warden, a museum trustee who wasn't there for the vote on the flag flap, doesn't think it's right:

"That border thing is going to be resolved one way or another. Eventually then they can put the Mexican flag up, I guess. It's crazy," she said. "It's the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, and so they both should be represented. It's too bad when you have to kowtow to everyone who complains."

At least the museum didn't have to remove any Mexican spotted owls. And we hear it's putting up a new flag -- a white one.

UPDATE: Just hours after we went to press, we learned the museum board voted to reverse its decision, saying:

“The board must balance both the educational mission of the Museum with protection of its collections, staff and visitors,” said board chairwoman Sophia Kaluzniacki. “While it saddened us to experience increasing messages of violence, we also must stand true to the history and traditions of the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum. On behalf of the board we did not anticipate the degree of response this action would create and we regret any concerns that were generated.”

A simple "We blew it!" will suffice.

FROM THE MOUTHS OF BABES. Homeland Security may be getting the scoop on you not from your phone records or wiretaps, but from your kids. Boston Herald columnist Michael Graham found that out after his daughter went in for a checkup:

“The doctor wanted to know how much you and mom drink, and if I think it’s too much,” my daughter told us afterward, rolling her eyes in that exasperated 13-year-old way. “She asked if you two did drugs, or if there are drugs in the house.”

“What!” I yelped. “Who told her about my stash -- er, I mean, ‘It’s an outrage!’ ”

I turned to my wife. “You took her to the doctor. Why didn’t you say something?”

She couldn’t, she told me, because she knew nothing about it. All these questions were asked in private, without my wife’s knowledge or consent.

“The doctor wanted to know how we get along,” my daughter continued. Then she paused. “And if, well, Daddy, if you made me feel uncomfortable.”

Graham points to guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics that he says condone, if not encourage, snooping by doctors in the name of spotting abuse and other problems in the home that would contribute to poor child health -- to say the least. Your Lightning Round is still looking for those guidelines, but in the meantime, we offer some counter-advice from commenter Yaakov Watkins:

I agree that the doctors should ask all the questions they want. Parents should ask all the questions they want also. Like "Where did the doctor touch you?" "Did the nurse hurt you?" "How big was the needle?" "How many times did the nurse poke you with the needle?" "Did the nurse talk to you about things that made you feel funny?" "Was there a gun in the doctor's office?", "Were you ever alone with the doctor?"

Touche.

GUT CHECK. The mystery of what your appendix does may be solved. Surgeons and specialists at Duke University theorize it's a storehouse for good bacteria, as the AP reports:

Diseases such as cholera or amoebic dysentery would clear the gut of useful bacteria. The appendix's job is to reboot the digestive system in that case.

But it seems we're doing part of the appendix's job for it:

If a person's gut flora dies, they can usually repopulate it easily with germs they pick up from other people, [Duke University professor Bill Parker] said. But before dense populations in modern times and during epidemics of cholera that affected a whole region, it wasn't as easy to grow back that bacteria and the appendix came in handy.

In less developed countries, where the appendix may be still useful, the rate of appendicitis is lower than in the U.S., other studies have shown, Parker said.

He said the appendix may be another case of an overly hygienic society triggering an overreaction by the body's immune system.

So we guess it's fair to say your appendix can get stressed out -- just like the rest of you.

READIN', RITIN', AND RELOADIN'. English teacher Shirley Katz wants to take her Glock 9mm pistol to class with her in Medford, Oregon to protect against a Columbine-style attack. Naturally, district rules prohibit packing by faculty.

From the AP:

Katz won’t say whether she has ever taken her 9 mm Glock pistol to school, but she practices with it regularly and has thought about what she would do if she had to confront a gunman. She would be sure students were locked in nearby offices out of the line of fire, and she would be ready with her pistol.

“Our safety plan at our school now is that if somebody threatening comes in, you try to avoid eye contact, and do whatever they say, and that is not acceptable anymore,” she said. Shootings at Virginia Tech University and the one-room Amish school in Pennsylvania, “reinforced my belief we have to take action, we can’t just acquiesce as we have been taught to do.”

And by golly, you better raise your hand before speaking in her class.

FLOORED. Meanwhile in Mahwah, New Jersey, students at a high school are eating lunch on the floor. Administrators decided to maximize teaching time by combining all lunch periods into one mass feeding, leaving hundreds of the hungry without table settings.

As WCBS-TV New York reports:

The cafeteria holds around 300, some outside picnic tables are provided, and seniors can leave for lunch. But parents and some students were quick to speak out to school leadership against hundreds left to floor dining -- and got nowhere.

"Kids should not be eating on the floor," one mother said. "Nobody should be eating on the floor. Animals eat on the floor."

Added a student named "Samantha": "It's dirty. It's disgusting."

CBS 2 HD was able to obtain and analyze three floor swabs. The findings found "very high" bacteria counts, suggesting a combination of "dirty" surfaces.

Mahwah High School says it's finding other seating for the kids. As for the food... well, we all remember our school cafeteria diets. Mystery meat, anyone? Anyone?