Curse Of The Tongue

Life is hard. Work is hard. Working in a lingual cesspool is pushing it. But some folks claim it has advantages.

WHAT THE *&%@#? If office morale is in the toilet, potty mouths may be the solution, according to a study from the University of East Anglia, as reported by AFP:

Researchers said swearing in front of senior staff or customers should be seriously discouraged or banned, but in other circumstances it helped foster solidarity among employees and express frustration, stress or other feelings.

"Employees use swearing on a continuous basis, but not necessarily in a negative, abusive manner," said Baruch, who works in the university's business school in Norwich.

Banning swear words and reprimanding staff might represent strong leadership, but could remove key links between staff and impact on morale and motivation, he said.

Our Lightning Round language critic offered this thought: how about removing the source of frustration or stress? You can only say *^%$@! so many times before you feel like you need to take a shower.

BANNED WORDS. And from the flip-side department, a Pasadena, California teenager has started a no-cussing club.

From KNBC-TV:

The group's message is clearly labeled on its site: "Ya wanna hang with us? Don't cuss."

"A lot of kids at my school, and some of my friends, would cuss and use dirty language all the time. They did it so much they didn't even realize they were doing it," Hatch said on the site.

Hatch said that the cussing bothered him so much, he challenged them to stop.

"They were shocked. They didn't know that it was bothering me. They didn't even realize how much they were doing it until I said something. I was actually surprised at how they reacted. They accepted my No Cussing Challenge," Hatch said.

So far, the club has at least 50 members. Yes, there is hope for our youth!

FUEL INJECTION. Republican House staffers were furious over a suggestion they get inoculated for several diseases before attending a NASCAR race at Lowe's Motor Speedway in North Carolina. They were there to take the public's temperature on health care and homeland security issues. But everybody was hot about the infectious implications.

From the Washington Times:

The recommendation also angered some lawmakers, who thought it was insulting to suggest that race fans might be infectious.

However, the dispute raised questions among NASCAR fans about whether they needed to be immunized as well.

"No one has suggested that fans get any — or need any — shots at all," NASCAR spokesman Ramsey Poston said. "This simply appears to be a dispute between staffers that has been blown out of proportion."

The on-staff nurse here at Lightning Round headquarters says Congressional staffers should be just fine, but they could use a few booster shots or tablets for the following afflictions:

Deficitis -- symptoms include spending money like it's no tomorrow
Belligeria -- continued support for questionable military actions
Oral diarrhea -- particularly acute to the Senate, symptoms including filibustering
Campaignarrhea -- patients include lawmakers who never stop running
Spinal Atrophy -- you wonder why your lawmakers can't pass workable immigration reform?
Gas -- always a chronic problem

As for the rest of us, the American drug industry is working on remedies for these:

Apathitis -- who cares who's President; when does American Idol start up again?
Unimatrimonia Compulsia -- our schools are failing, our highways are crumbling, crime is rising, the economy is sinking, the terrorists are gunning for us, but dadgummit, we need to do something about GAY MARRIAGE!!!!
Partisanism -- this is a toughy, but we remain optimistic for a cure

GRAVE SITUATION. Are things turning around in Iraq? Maybe we can get some unbiased insight from cemetery workers, who say their businesses is slowing down because of a drop in violence.

As McClatchy Newspapers reports:

A drop in violence around Iraq has cut burials in the huge Wadi al Salam cemetery here by at least one-third in the past six months, and that's cut the pay of thousands of workers who make their living digging graves, washing corpses or selling burial shrouds.

Few people have a better sense of the death rate in Iraq .

...

Dhurgham Majed al Malik, 48, whose family has arranged burial services for generations, said that this spring, private cars and taxis with caskets lashed to their roofs arrived at a rate of 6,500 a month. Now it's 4,000 or less, he said.

But while you exhale just a little bit, consider these words:

"We Iraqis are full with sadness and tragedies now," Ali Hazim said. "I swear by the name of Allah that each house bears some weight of sadness and of tragedy, and this is the reality of Iraqis now."

BIG BROTHER BUFFET. The Dutch are opening a new restaurant at the University of Wageningren where researchers watch every move you make and every bite you take in the name of discovering what works and what doesn't in the commercial dining room.

Reuters reports:

From a control room, researchers can direct cameras built into the ceiling of the restaurant to zoom in on individual diners and their plates. They watch how people walk through the restaurant, what food catches their eye, whether they always sit at the same table and how much food they throw away.

"You're already watched by cameras everywhere like 'Big Brother' so what difference does it make here?" said Bert Visser, a plant scientist eating a chicken sandwich. "Presentation really influences what you choose."

Patricia van der Souven, a research assistant eating pumpkin soup and a salad, agreed: "One day they had blue lights and I didn't come in because the food didn't look nice. Blue light isn't warm, it's too business-like."

Sort of like Hell's Kitchen, without Gordon Ramsay spitting in your face.

OFFSIDES. We've figured out a way to outsource just about everything, so why not the Super Bowl? The NFL is considering playing the Big Game At The End in London one day.

From the AP:

"There's a great deal of interest in holding a Super Bowl in London," [NFL Commissioner Roger] Goodell told reporters Monday. "So we'll be looking at that."

The commissioner said London's Wembley Stadium would make a great candidate for American pro football's biggest match-up, given the opening of the stadium's latest incarnation and enthusiasm overseas for the game.

Imagine the irony of the New England Patriots winning a Super Bowl in England. The Yanks are coming! The Yanks are coming! I can just see the taunts from the crowd -- many dressed as Redcoats.