The Lightning Round:More Proof Real Minutemen Wear Tricorns

THE JOBS AMERICANS WON'T TAKE. The Minutemen Project is turning to an outside contractor to finish building a U.S.-Mexico border fence on private ranchland near Bisbee, Arizona. The Project cites two reasons for the outsourcing: 1) quality control 2) lack of volunteers to finish the fence.

From the Douglas, AZ Daily Dispatch:

Cecile Lumer of the local humanitarian aid group Citizens for Border Solutions said she had seen no more than four people working at the site during her trips to fill migrant water stations in the nearby desert. She thought the arrival of the contractor suggested that the group had bit off more than it could chew. "The Minutemen have always been good at promoting themselves to the media," she said. "And from the beginning the numbers they have projected have always fallen very short of the reality."

Mind you, this makeshift border fence project -- one comprised largely of wires and stakes -- was more about symbolism than security, a message to Washington that if you don't build it, we will. And if you build it, others can cut through it... and by golly, somebody did.

The contractor hired by the Project pledges only to hire legal help. But I'm sure one of the Minutemen will now be training their binoculars on the local Home Depot, just in case.

WE OWN YOU. AT&T is making it clear that if you sign up for any of their services -- long distance, Internet or otherwise -- they have the right to disclose your account information to the government if need be. It can also be disclosed to protect "legitimate business interests."

From AP:

AT&T said the account information, including the customer's name, address, phone number and e-mail address as well as information about the customer's services, is owned by AT&T. The company said account information doesn't include usage information, such as how a person uses the Web or what TV programs a person watches.

But wait, it might, according to Reuters:

In the policy update, which applied to AT&T’s more than 7 million Internet and video customers, the company said it could collect usage information from subscribers, including the Web pages they view, the programs they record, and the games they play.

Lenny Bruce once said, "Communism is like one big phone company." Now we can scratch out the word "like."

BLESSED BE THE QUEER. The Episcopal Church, trying to heal thyself, passed a resolution discouraging the consecration of more openly gay bishops. You'll recall the church -- the American arm of the Anglican church -- upset Anglican leaders when it consecrated the first openly gay bishop, V. Gene Robinson, in 2003.

From Reuters:

The non-binding resolution adopted at the convention calls on those in authority "to exercise restraint by not consenting to the consecration of any candidate (for bishop) whose manner of life presents a challenge to the wider church and will lead to further strains on communion."

By that wording, half the world would probably be disqualified.

More interesting, though, are the comments of the Reverend Cathy George, who said, in a paraphrased AP report:

The Reverend Cathy George believes homosexuality is a God-given trait that shouldn't prevent gays and lesbians from serving in every aspect of church life.

"God-given" -- we're not sure if we can translate that as a blessing, but you gotta admit, saying The Man Upstairs created gays does tend to short-circuit debate. It's sort of like claiming God created Evolution.

In a related matter, the Episcopals are also seeking to pass another resolution defining "gay" once again as "happy, lively and vivacious."

WE HAVE WAYS OF MAKING YOU TALK SENSE. A judge in Salt Lake City says accused Elizabeth Smart co-kidnapper Wanda Barzee can be forced to take antipsychotic medication against her will to make her competent for trial. KTVX-TV reports, "Doctors have diagnosed her with paranoid schizophrenia and a delusional disorder."

One of the drugs that might be forced into her is Zyprexia. According to the drug's official website, common side effects include drowsiness, increased appetite, and weight gain. The Lightning Round wonders if Barzee does stand trial, will she sleep through it or continuously beg the court for Lay's potato chips?

BLUE STATE BLUES. Doug Duncan, one of the candidates for governor of Maryland, says he's dropping out of the race after being diagnosed with depression.

From WRC-TV, Washington, D.C.:

"At first, I attributed this to the stress of the campaign," Duncan said. "But over the past couple months, it became clear to me; my wife, Barbara; our family; our closest supporters that this was more than the usual wear and tear of the campaign trail."

Not to mock those who suffer from depression, but consider this: he's a Democrat -- a member of the party which twice lost the White House to George W. Bush and actually believed Howard Dean was an electable candidate. Yeah, I'd be depressed too.

SADDAM'S STRIKE. Saddam Hussein is going on a hunger strike, along with his seven co-defendants. This comes after another of his thankless defense lawyers bought the bullet.

Sources tell us Saddam recently ranted in the courtroom, "American troops get Burger King! We want Burger King! I am Iraqi President! I want it my way!"

UPDATE: Turns out the hunger strike lasted only one meal. Wimp.

SO NICE, THEY NAMED IT TWICE. New York, New York is at the top of the Reader's Digest list for most polite people in the world. The magazine went undercover to 36 cities around the world looking for courtesy.

From Reuters:

Reporters for the magazine conducted a "door test," to see who would hold open a door, a "document drop" to see who would help pick up dropped papers and a "service test" to measure if salesclerks said thank you for a purchase.

Four out of five New Yorkers passed the courtesy tests, the magazine reported.

Having recently met many of New York City's friendliest, I don't doubt the findings for a moment.

I was advised on one of the tour buses to always wave back to the locals who wave to you -- otherwise you might get pelted with something.

"Hey, youse, get ya hand up! This is New Yahk! We gots a reputation to protect!"