Failure To Win The Hispanic Vote Is Not An Option

In a Republican strategy session room...

"Okay people, listen up. Forget the party platform. As of now we are improvising a new mission--"

Click. POP! Zzzz...

"Uh, we'll get a bulb for that."

"It's called How Do We Get More Hispanics Into The GOP? We got midterms less than two years away. Now, do we go for a direct amnesty program?"

Grumbles. Chatter. Anxiousness.

"No. No. No. I say path to citizenship. It's the option with the least question marks."

"I agree with Jerry. We do a DREAM-like program, provide a process for the young illegals, make them go to the back of the immigration line."

"The party will not support an option that ignores law and order! We go back to the drawing board, do an about-face, hammer the jobs angle. And besides, we don't have enough time to rebuild the base."

"You're talking about time. We're talking about losing votes here."

"Look, we don't even know how much support we can count on in 2014. If we continue to take the hard line--"

"This party blows up and we die!"

"That is not the argument here!"

"I'm not gonna sugar-coat this for you."

"Okay, everybody settle down. Now law and order has worked pretty well for us. But from what the numbers are telling us, more than two-thirds of the Latino vote went for the other side in the last election. We continue to alienate that demographic, we could blow the whole works again. I'm not gonna take that chance -- it's just too risky. So let's consider the hard line dead. Now border enforcement has only got so much power, so that leaves us with the path to citizenship. We put a sensible plan together with the other side, pick up a chunk of Hispanic votes, get as many Republicans back into office as fast as we can."

"Uh, I'd like to know what the Tea Party thinks about this."

"We can't guarantee support. Illegal immigrants are supposed to be landing back in Mexico, not in the immigration line."

"Well, unfortunately, they're not landing in Mexico. I don't care what our policies are designed to do. I wanna know what they can do. So let's get on it."

With loving apologies to the cast and crew of Apollo 13.