Friday, July 13, 2007

We Are Not Casual

Your Lightning Round understands composition is everything when it comes to the perfect portrait. But some people push it.

TAKE IT OFF. According to a preview for a BBC documentary, Queen Elizabeth II found celebrity shooter Annie Leibovitz a royal pain when Her Majesty was asked to remove her crown during a photo session.

From the London Daily Mail:
...Leibovitz sizes up the Queen in her full regalia and ventures: "I think it will look better without the crown, because the garter robe is so..."

Before the photographer can finish saying "extraordinary", the Queen raises her eyebrows, fixes the snapper with an icy stare, and snaps: "Less dressy? What do you think this is?" pointing to what she is wearing.

TV cameras follow the Queen storming off with an official lifting the large train of her blue velvet cape off the floor as the Queen tells her lady-in-waiting: "I'm not changing anything. I've had enough dressing like this thank you very much."
The BBC later admitted the last shot of the Queen walking out was actually from her walking to the shoot.

In any event, Leibovitz is lucky she didn't end up in Tower of London, as one commenter noted. At least she had the sense not to ask Her Majesty to remove anything else.

EXCUSES, EXCUSES. Raise your hand. Repeat after me. "I... state your name... do solemnly swear... I will not use any kind of laughably dysfunctional excuses... when I am called to serve on a jury... such as the ones made by a Cape Cod man, who is now facing perjury charges for some gross weaseling.

The AP reported this exchange between Daniel Ellis and Barnstable Superior Court Judge Gary Nickerson:
"You say on your form that you're not a fan of homosexuals," Nickerson said.

"That I'm a racist," Ellis interrupted.

"I'm frequently found to be a liar, too. I can't really help it," Ellis added.

"I'm sorry?" Nickerson said.

"I said I'm frequently found to be a liar," Ellis replied.

"So, are you lying to me now?" Nickerson asked.

"Well, I don't know. I might be," was the response.

Ellis then admitted he really didn't want to serve on a jury.

"I have the distinct impression that you're intentionally trying to avoid jury service," Nickerson said.

"That's true," Ellis answered.
Monty Python couldn't have written it any better.

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES. Looks like I'm a heathen. Pope Benedict XVI has approved a document saying the Catholic Church is the only true church, leaving other Christian churches as not true or "defective."

From the AP:
The statement brought swift criticism from Protestant leaders. "It makes us question whether we are indeed praying together for Christian unity," said the World Alliance of Reformed Churches, a fellowship of 75 million Protestants in more than 100 countries.
The pontiff sees problems with other churches' family trees.
The other communities "cannot be called 'churches' in the proper sense" because they do not have apostolic succession — the ability to trace their bishops back to Christ's original apostles — and therefore their priestly ordinations are not valid, [the document] said.
However, Orthodox churches have got it right, sort of:
The document said Orthodox churches were indeed "churches" because they have apostolic succession and enjoyed "many elements of sanctification and of truth." But it said they do not recognize the primacy of the pope — a defect, or a "wound" that harmed them, it said.
Sounds a lot like "if you're not with us, you're against us." Come to think of it, Jesus wasn't Catholic, was he?

PUMPED UP. Two decades ago, Diana Ross sang "I Want Muscle." And now, from the Obvious Study Department comes research that proves it. UCLA researchers found guys with perkier pecs get the action. However, all is not lost for the rest of us.

From Reuters:
Women were more physically attracted to brawny men, especially for a fling. But when it comes to finding a long-term partner, they tend to pick a regular man over a mate with huge biceps.
Your Lightning Round has learned embattled Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villarigosa is using this story to explain his fling with a Latino newscaster.

ON A ROLL. Shouda checked the chain -- a 1.5 ton wrecking ball broke loose, rolling havoc in the college town of Meadville, Pennsylvania.

From the AP:
It smashed more than a dozen vehicles and injured three people as it bounced from curb to curb.

The ball slammed into the back of a car stopped at an intersection. The force caused a chain reaction with two other cars at the traffic light.
And somewhere, some aspiring terrorist is asking, "Where can I get one of those?"

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