All Hail The Queen Mother

She brought me into this world, and I almost skipped across to the next one.

At a nice dinner out for my 30th birthday, amid the bustle of a busy night at the Macaroni Grill, I learned about problems during birth that nearly killed me. I am not wearing wings now because of the skilled staff at Independence Sanitarium and Hospital... go ahead, I'll let you make that wisecrack. But I have to believe my mother's love saved me just as much as those doctors.

Thirty-four years later, she's still the doting mother, wanting to know where I am, where I've been, who I'm hanging out with. I can't travel far from Tucson without getting the advisory: give me a call. During my New York City trip I called home every night, in addition to blogging my exploits. Moms want to hear your voice. And if I don't call her, she'll call me. She'll track me down.

I know because it happened while I was tripping in Washington, D.C. in 2004. One evening, I laid on the hotel room bed giving my body a break from tourist wear and tear. The phone on the nightstand rang. Nobody ever calls me when I'm on vacation. That's reality, not a rule.

"You didn't think I wouldn't be able to find you, Christopher?" she said in that voice of amused relief.

I planned to call later on, when late night in Virginia would still be early evening in California. She didn't want to wait that long. She couldn't get through on my cell phone, but she knew I was at the Quality Inn in Washington. That was enough for her to do some detective work and fish out my location with a couple of phone calls.

You can't grow out of being somebody's baby. Moms won't allow it, even if you give them a few grandchildren to re-channel some of that Mom energy. And what if you don't? I'm glad I have a brother and sister-in-law who have covered that part -- for now.

After spending most of three decades raising two successful sons, she deserves to dial down to a quiet life befitting a noblewoman. But economic realities dictate she continue to teach school and put up with a gaggle of miscreants. I am talking about high school students -- all of them boys -- who don't care to learn and care even less their parents' hard-earned money is paying for them to flunk at a private Catholic school.

Too many times, I have heard stories from Mom about the utter shiftlessness and immaturity of these people. They do things you would expect in public school eight grades ago: spitwads, cheating, verbal abuse. These infractions are correctable, provided people are willing to correct them. However, this particular school is tragically clueless at standing up for its teachers. The parents of said miscreants are either unwilling or unable to get a handle on their children. At least one of them lashed out at my mother when she tried to have a honest discussion about her son's difficulties. This, remember, is on top of grading stacks of papers from several classes.

The kids she taught during her first year at this school were pretty rough. It took nearly two semesters before some administrator wised up and said, "Gee, we really gave you some rotten kids." Took awhile for that Catholic guilt to kick in, eh?

I have asked her why she doesn't quit this miserable, demoralizing, dead-end job. She tells me she doesn't want them to win.

And so, she is The Queen. She will continue to be The Queen. She will rule her kingdom with soft-spoken strength, dispensing wisdom, love and discipline in appropriate measure. She will not be shackled by tyrants less than half her age.

Those subjects who respect and admire her will share the friendship of an amazing woman who has tolerated more than her fair share of setbacks and sorrow, things which I cannot elaborate on here. Those who turn against her, who mock and degrade her, who attempt to hurt her in ways unfathomable, deserve only wrath.

Unfortunately, All The Queen's Horses and All The Queen's Men are not at her disposal. But there is the royal court of her family and friends -- including one aspiring viscount in Tucson, one who loves her very much.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.