Reel To Reel: Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

"Captain Jack will get you by tonight, and take you to your special island..."

Going Rate: Worth matinee price, without 3D.
Starring: Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Ian McShane
Rated: PG-13
Red Flags: Ye Olde Pirate Violence & Swordplay, Some Scary Supernatural Effects

Joining us once again on this edition of Reel To Reel is our resident privateer, Captain Bartholomew Burgundy, to give us additional insight on the latest Pirates Of The Caribbean movie, a franchise both of us thought had ended one picture ago. Director Rob Marshall is taking the wheel from Gore Verbinski, but Johnny Depp is back as Captain Jack Sparrow, so let's see what happens. Captain Burgundy, you have the deck.

Thank ye kindly, mate. I 'ave to say quite plainly tha' if ye seeking a swashbucklin' pirate film, well, ye got one. Ye got Cap'n Jack, ye got Barbossa (that be Geoffrey Rush), ye got a search f' treasure, and ye got an all-star pirate, Edward Teach, who's known to ye landlubbers as Blackbeard.

I really don' need t' say much about th' plot, because everybody's after the same thin': th' Fountain o' Youth. But ye see, it ain' as simple as just findin' th' fountain, righ', because they also gotta fin' several things tha' make 't work, like a couple of chalices an' a mermaid's tear. How's tha' for a shoppin' list?

Anyhow, Capt. Jack ends up 'n th' unlikely service of Blackbeard after trackin' down a lady who's masqueradin' as 'im to pu' a crew together. This lady known as Angelica (who be Penelope Cruz) also 'appens to be someone he'd 'ad a fling wit'. So ye got a complication there. I always warn me prospectiv' privateers never to mix work an' love.

Speaking of privateers, Barbossa has gone legit, in service to a fashionably portly King George II, and a whole lot of British sailors and officers who are mainly along for the ride. Obviously, Captain, you know that has benefits, namely the support of the Crown and a better wardrobe. And you get to loot for benefit of King and Country.

GOD save th' king! Aye, you're right. But I foun' something quite curious. Th' Spaniards ar' involved 'n this pursuit, an' they seem to, as ye would say in modern vernacular, fly under th' radar. They have all these ships 'n sailors an' commanders, and nobody seems t' want t' attack them, even when His Majesty's Navy 'as 'em dead in sight fer a broadside. I tell ye' they would never slip away, 'f I had command of a fleet. Instead, everyone else be busy fightin' each other here 'n there 'n everywhere.

I felt that way, too. The more I watched this film, the more I got the feeling it was conceived as five or six big action sequences duck-taped together with some dialogue and Johnny Depp sauntering about. By the way, how many British regulars does it take to capture Jack Sparrow? That sounds like the first line to a joke, and you're right. A sequence at the beginning of the movie shows them more like Keystone Kops than seasoned soldiers of a mighty empire as Captain Jack gets away from them -- again -- in such convoluted and incompetent fashion that it should win the Rube Goldberg Prize for Escape Scenes. General Washington would laugh at these ridiculous redcoats.

Well 't is just a movie, mind ye. Bu' what bothers me is that we 'ave so many supernatural elements 'n this film. Take Cap'n Blackbeard. Somehow, e's got this magic sword tha' can fill th' sails of the Queen Anne's Revenge with win' and comman' the ropes t' tie 'up any mutineers. Blimey, where does 'e get such wonderful toys? I sure neva 'eard of a sword, nay even a cutlass like 'at. From wha' I know, the real Blackbeard never 'ad t' worry 'bout mutiny, either, on accoun' he commanded s' much respect from 'is crew. Bu' here, I see most'a 'is crew swabbin' th' deck, an' he got 'is officers zombified or somethin'. An' di' I tell ye he knows voodoo, too? Talk about ye artistic license! I know Blackbeard, an' tha' ain' Blackbeard.

No, it's not. But we both know legends tend to impede upon the truth, which brings us to another problem with this film: the mermaids. Okay, they're beautiful, even if none of them look like Darryl Hannah. They lure you in and spout fangs like vampires once they've got you -- I wonder if somebody actually researched the fang bit or just decided to throw in something for Twilight fans.

It's hard to get tears out of mermaid, we're told, and I guess exposing them to onions doesn't work, so the writers had to add a throwaway romance between the mermaid Syrena (Astrid Berges-Frisbey) and Philip (Sam Claflin), a captured missionary on Blackbeard's boat.

Truth be told, I didn't really buy any romantic overtures between Jack and Angelica, either, because Jack only uses ladies to further his own cause. Captain Burgundy, I do believe you once said you thought Jack was a gentleman at heart.

I know. An' I'm walkin' that statemen' back. Bu' what leaves me scratchin' me cocked hat is how the cap'n can swing 'n swordfight 'is way outa anythin' and yet he's always walkin' like 'es under the gin tipsy.

We don't see anything new or original about Jack, which is just the way audiences want it: a flamboyant pirate strutting around. But, Captain, I imagine you can relate to people calling you flamboyant with your red stockings and big tricorn.

Aye, I 'ave been called a fop 'n mo' than one occasion. But 'tis me, 'tis th' way GOD made me.

Nothing wrong with that. Getting back to the movie, though, with all its issues, is it something we should be plunking down hard-earned booty for?

If 'ye enjoyed th' fir' three pictures, aye. But I wouldn' shell ou' extra fer tha' 3-D. I don' see th' point of it.

Neither do I. I think Disney should've quit with the trilogy, but it won't as long as it keeps earning the booty. Disney has done quite well with this franchise, certainly better than its other films based on its theme-park rides: Haunted Mansion and The Country Bears. I wouldn't rule out a fifth installment.

So, sword up or down on this one?

Sword up, but just barely. I woul' love t' see a pirate film mo' faithful t' history.

I agree. I give it a marginal sword up, or maybe sword level. As far as history goes, one thing I did enjoy was seeing the wonderful 18th century costumes of the English townspeople and regulars. No detail was spared, head to toe.

Ye thinkin' about a wig?

Maybe.

What Was Once Normal

I'm beginning to wonder if Tucson will ever see a normal meeting of the Tucson Unified School District board ever again. This week's edition came refreshingly free of mob scenes, lines of police and general boorishness... mostly.

What is incomprehensible to me is how the student protesters supporting Ethnic Studies think scenes of them chaining themselves to the board members' chairs are going to help win over the state officials who are convinced the courses on Mexican-American studies foment hate. Allegations of police brutality or not, it just doesn't look good, and in public relations, controlling perception is the goal. I think of the last line in the movie The Social Network, directed at Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg: "You're not an [expletive], Mark. You're just trying so hard to be." Perhaps somebody needs to say that, in love, to some of the Ethnic Studies defenders.

I have heard the counter-argument: TUSD repeatedly ignored them, ignored their concerns. Perhaps. But that's life sometimes, and that's the educator-student dynamic. The students aren't running the board. Some of you will want to equate the Ethnic Studies protests to some chapter from the civil rights movement of the 1960's. Please don't go there. In 1960, when four black students sat at a white lunch counter at Woolworth's in Greensboro, North Carolina, they didn't chain themselves to the stools. They didn't chant. They didn't shout. They just ordered food... which employees refused to serve. Later, as the sit-in swelled, some read books. The sit-in movement spread to other parts of the segregated south and remained mostly peaceful. Nearly six months later, Woolworth's abandoned segregated lunch counters. Nonviolent, non-jerk resistance works if you give it a chance, but we have an instant-gratification generation unwilling to work the program.

We heard calls for civility in the aftermath of the Tucson mass shooting. So much for that. We can't let go of our self-destructive passions.

Regular Feedings

Every time I go home to California, I know I'll gain at least five pounds over the course of a week. I eat better at home than I ever do on my own, and that's largely because of Mother's refusal to see me get any thinner. Brother Michael used to joke about Mom "pushing food" when we were younger. It didn't change when we grew up.

"Do you want a salad with that?"

"Do you want some cookies?"

"Do you want some ice cream?"

I hardly leave the table less than full. Fortunately the big comfy family room couch is less than a foot away from the kitchen table, ready to accept my vacationing self. At this stage of her life, Mom is glad to see me anywhere around the house, even if I'm merely taking up space.

Dad requires a different approach. We can't seem to reduce his appetite, but we can re-channel it.

"I'm making your father some lowfat brownies."

Dad still fills up and doesn't miss dessert, and we don't kid him as much about his weight anymore.

"Are you getting hungry, Christopher?"

She'll see me digging in the fridge for cheese slices and start gauging my appetite.

"Give me about a half hour," I'll reply. By then I'm ravenous. And then I can lap something up in the blink of an eye.

When I lived in Texas and flew back to my parents' old home in St. Louis, they took me straight from Lambert Field to Steak 'n Shake one time.

"Christopher, I think you inhaled that hamburger," Mother observed.

"I was hungry," I replied, wondering why people were surprised at the lack of any filling meal on the two-hop journey from McAllen to Missouri.

Still, Mom worries about my weight. I sent her a Mother's Day card a few years back with a penguin on the front. "Poppo The Penguin wishes you a Happy Mother's Day," it said before you opened it up to reveal a salivating polar bear with the punchline, "but he wishes he'd taken his mother's advice and eaten more!"

"Yes, you need to eat more," Mom replied over the phone.

Gotcha!

Osama Bin Laden is dead. Does this wipe out Al Qaida? Does this end terrorism?

No and no, and none of us should be under the impression that it will. We are not dealing with a snake, where cutting the head kills the body, but with a multi-headed dragon, where two heads grow for each one we lop off.

I'm not throwing dirt on our success. Our forces deserve every bit of praise. Let's be real, however. The world will not be less dangerous tomorrow because Bin Laden isn't in it. It will be safer because we have so many people working to prevent the acts of terror being plotted against us.

Remember, too, that GOD is involved in this fight as well. Please thank HIM for the courage he has given to our troops and those who protect us.

The Ladies' Version Of The Big Game

For those of you who can't understand the obsession with the Royal Wedding, a friend gave me the best explanation I've heard yet: "This is the Super Bowl for women!"

She's right. What's more, it doesn't happen every year. Oh yes, we still love fairy tales; that explanation still holds water. But looking out into the crowds on Friday, who did you see: Ladies, overwhelmingly. Your humble servant found himself quite along in his interest among his circle of friends. Indeed, at Friday Morning's prayer breakfast with the guys from church, they couldn't believe the fuss. But it's no different than the ladies who can't understand men who crave football like a drug.

So why was I interested? It's because the Royal Wedding was so much of what the world is lacking in right now: beauty, grace, kindness, love, and acknowledgement of GOD'S presence. When the Lord Bishop of London gave his homily, I felt he was speaking to all of us, especially in these words:

We stand looking forward to a century which is full of promise and full of peril. Human beings are confronting the question of how to use wisely the power which has been given to us through the discoveries of the last century. We shall not be converted to the promise of the future by more knowledge, but rather by an increase of loving wisdom and reverence, for life, for the earth and for one another.

I especially appreciated the reading from Romans 12, which says, in the NIV form:

1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Case Closed?

President Obama has released his long-form birth certificate from Hawaii, hopefully bringing an end to what has become an unbelievably silly distraction.

This morning, he said:

And I have to say that over the last two and a half years I have watched with bemusement, I've been puzzled at the degree to which this thing just kept on going. We've had every official in Hawaii, Democrat and Republican, every news outlet that has investigated this, confirm that, yes, in fact, I was born in Hawaii, August 4, 1961, in Kapiolani Hospital.

What puzzles me is why the White House just didn't release the long form in the first place and end the nonsense. Then again, the president has better things to do than be goaded by Donald Trump. He shouldn't have to cowtow to those who looking for an excuse -- any excuse -- to get him booted out of office.

Really, now, will this make a difference among those grabbing at a bunch of rotten straws? Methinks not.

Katie Begins The End

Katie Couric has officially confirmed TV news' worst-kept secret, telling People she's stepping down from the CBS Evening News. No last day has been announced yet, nor does she reveal her next career move, although it's widely believed she'll helm a syndicated talk show.

This ends an experiment in TV news that went beyond Couric's title as the first female solo anchor of a nightly network newscast. When Couric joined CBS in 2006, the network rebuilt the entire evening news around her, adding an interview segment and a series of outside editorials called "FreeSpeech." Then CBS discovered network news viewers can be a very stodgy bunch. The editorial segment disappeared. So did the in-studio interview segments.

Couric continued to do several big interviews in the field, including that sit-down with Sarah Palin which revealed the 2008 veep candidate wasn't quite ready for prime time. It also salvaged Couric's career at the network, which I and others said was circling the drain, given her inability to get the network out of the third-place spot in the evening news ratings race.

I've talked before about the reasons Katie hasn't turned things around. I still think her biggest strength is interviewing and not news-reading, and network brass misjudged that in the glow of Couric's star power. She has never looked comfortable delivering scripts from a prompter, even five years after her debut.

But moreover, it's not about Katie. It's about a nightly news broadcast that has still not escaped the long shadow of Dan Rather and weak lead-ins from its affiliate stations. No one person is going to change that and not in five years.

Dear ABC, We Don't Need Another Talk Show...

...let alone two. But ABC's daytime topper decided to kill off classic soaps All My Children and One Life To Life, replacing them with a cooking show and a makeover show.

My question is, why not a game show? I'd love to see two half hour games somewhere in the mix. ABC has been out of the daytime game show business since 1990, when it axed a revival of Match Game. However, I can think of several titles that are screaming for revivals.

Split Second. This is the show that made Tom Kennedy's career. It's a smart, lightning-fast hard quiz, but it needs to be done exactly the way Kennedy did it in 1974, when ABC hosted its first incarnation. Split has the challenge of multiple-part questions where you don't just want to be right, you want to be first, as demonstrated in these clips from an exciting 1974 episode. Watch and see if defending champ Marvin Shinkman can pull off a come-from-behind win:





Press Your Luck. This show was the highest-rated rerun on GSN, and it still has life in it, especially among Gen-X'ers like me who watched this show when were home from school. CBS let it die. ABC can bring it back.

The $100,000 Pyramid. It started on ABC, albeit for a lot less money. Bring it back with a lot more.

Password. Another ABC standard during the 70's. Allen Ludden may be long gone, but the original format is still strong, despite misfires with Password All-Stars and Million Dollar Password. And hey, you can almost count on getting Betty White -- Ludden's widow -- to play it again.

Tic Tac Dough. The Patrick Wayne 1990 version (and for that matter, the 1986 Jim Caldwell run) left a bad taste in a lot of mouths, but I think it's time to give this quizzer another go, if you can find the right host. This is another show with a lot of Gen-X love.

Now You See It. CBS ran two versions of this word-search game in the 1970's and late 1980's. It can be revived with some decent pacing and a return to the original 1970's format. The theme, "Chump Change" by Quincy Jones, is also one of the best game show themes ever, if not the funkiest.



Tattletales. It ran as a celebrity-gossip show, but it could easily be retooled as a game where dating couples see how much they really know about each other's personalities. Don't make it into another Newlywed Game clone with "whoopee" questions, and you'll have a game.

Governor Brewer Draws The Line

I can say without hesitation that not all of Arizona's Republican delegation has gone into the Twilight Zone. Yet I didn't think I'd be saying that about Governor Jan Brewer until she wielded the veto stamp on SB1467, which would have allowed guns on college campuses; and HB2177, the so-called "Birther Bill," which would have forced presidential candidates to prove their citizenship before getting on the Arizona ballot -- a thinly-disguised swipe at President Obama.

Governor Brewer's actions are surely going to put her in the doghouse with her conservative buddies, but given that she signed SB1070, I think she has more than enough right-wing street cred to endure. If that isn't enough, let's consider the reasoning behind her veto statements.

On the gun bill, she writes:

"Today I vetoed Senate Bill 1467 because it is so poorly written. Bills impacting our Second Amendment rights have to be crystal clear so that gun owners don't become lawbreakers by accident. Two examples of this lack of clarity in the bill are: (1) the failure to define the key phrase "public right-of-way" where weapons can be carried, and (2) the inclusion of K-12 schools where federal and state laws generally prohibit weapons on K-12 school grounds.

"First, Senate Bill 1467 would prohibit educational institutions from banning weapons on a "public-right-of-way." However, legislators inexplicably decided not to define "public right-of-way" in the bill. There are four differing definitions currently found in Arizona statues but none apply to this bill. What is really puzzling is that this error was pointed-out during the legislative process. One proponent of the bill stated that a court will have to be the final arbiter in deciding what constitutes a "public right-of-way." We don't need the courts to write our gun laws. That is the job of the legislature."

With SB1070 and Arizona's employer sanctions law already getting the court treatment, you can't blame Gov. Brewer for wanting to avoid just a little bit of litigation fatigue. And with conservatives consistently complaining about "activist judges" making laws, why give them a gift? Unless, of course, you are thinking that's exactly the plan, to give conservatives more reasons to hate on judges.

As for HB2177, you can nearly see Governor Brewer rolling her eyes in the veto letter:

"I never imagined being presented with a bill that could require candidates for President of the greatest and most powerful nation on earth to submit their 'early baptismal or circumcision certificates' among other records to the Arizona Secretary of State. This is a bridge too far."

She adds, for an extra swipe...

"This measure creates significant new problems while failing to do anything constructive for Arizona."

I can hear the critics of the governor's veto saying, "What? You afraid of a little more paperwork?"

Anybody setting odds on who'll be the first to call for the governor's impeachment?

Hey, this is Arizona. It can happen.

Reel To Reel: The Conspirator

Law And Order: Civil War

Going Rate: Worth full price.
Starring: Robin Wright Penn, James McAvoy, Evan Rachel Wood, Tom Wilkinson, Kevin Kline, Alexis Bledel
Rated: PG-13 (misleading -- should be fine for mature children under that age)
Red Flags: One sequence of a Civil War battle aftermath, depiction of the assassination of President Lincoln, mild language

Mary Surratt hanged for her role in the conspiracy that led to the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln, the attempted assassination of Vice President Andrew Johnson, and the botched hit on Secretary of State William Seward. She owned the boarding house where the plotters met, and she was an unrepentant supporter of the Confederacy. Beyond that, was she guilty of a crime or just guilty by association? That's the central question of The Conspirator, a beautifully-filmed historical procedural directed by Robert Redford which makes a strong case for the rights of the accused and the presumption of innocence against a backdrop of fear and revenge.

As the film opens, the Confederate States of America is on borrowed time, fighting only to prolong its inevitable defeat. Despite President Lincoln's call for a fractured nation to heal, the lost Southern dream dies hard. A cabal forms to take out the nation's beloved president and those standing in the way of Confederate victory. As popular history tells us, President Lincoln died from the bullet fired by John Wilkes Booth at Ford's Theatre the night of April 14, 1865 during a performance of Our American Cousin. The Conspirator begins where my public-school history book left off.

The conspirators are tried by a military tribunal, due to Washington D.C. being under martial law at the time of the assassination. The tribunal system weighs heavily against the defendants, requiring only a majority -- not a unanimous -- verdict for conviction, among other things. Worse, the military jury is stacked with Union commanders. Surratt (Wright) hires Senator Reverendy Johnson (Wilkinson) to defend her, but Johnson backs out when he senses it will be impossible for his client to get a fair trial.

Johnson's second chair, Frederick Aiken (McAvoy) picks up the case. Even though he is a veteran of the Union Army, he believes that in the pursuit of justice there is no North or South. Aiken is not convinced of Surratt's innocence, but he is also not confident she is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. His efforts to mount a competent defense lead him back to Surratt's boarding house, where he begins to unravel holes in the government's case with the reluctant help of Surratt's daughter Anna (Wood).

Aiken also gets insight from Surratt herself, ill and refusing to eat in a stone-cold military cell. The movie doesn't portray her as a saintly fall-girl but a principled, GOD-fearing Confederate loyalist who draws the line at murder. She is not allowed to testify in her own defense, however, so Aiken's hope of acquitting her demands she made a heartbreaking choice.

I admired McAvoy's charisma as Aiken and his unwavering devotion to Constitutional principles where others are willing to suspend them. His adversaries argue the nation is in too great a state of shock and sadness to give the accused conspirators protections under the civilian justice system. Somebody's gotta go to prison, goshdarnit, and they gotta go quickly. More than a few of you will draw comparisons to today's War on Terror.

The Conspirator almost plays like a historical episode of Law And Order without the "cha-chunk" sound over the black and white title cards. It's richly costumed and set with beards, belles, and a ball scene. The dusty arsenal where the trial takes place is beautifully lit and filmed. It is compelling history, well written and accurately told, even if some facts seem, well, un-American.

The Conspirator is the first release from The American Film Company, which aims to produce compelling and yet accurate historical dramas. I'm delighted to see they're developing a movie around Paul Revere's famous ride. No timetable is set for release, but I can guarantee you I will be one of the first in line to see it... perhaps in uniform. HUZZAH!

Reel To Reel: Hanna

The most dangerous father-educated daughter you'll ever meet.

Going Rate: Worth full price.
Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Eric Bana, Cate Blanchett
Rated: PG-13
Red Flags: Action violence, mild language, naughtiness suggested by a rocking trailer

In a sentence, if you liked last year's Salt, you'll like this picture: girl chased by spooks, girl runs around like crazy getting away from spooks, girl can kill anything that walks with just her bare hands.

Quite an accomplishment, given the title character (Ronan) has been raised in a snow-covered forest by her rogue CIA agent father (Bana) for the purpose of taking out Marissa (Blanchett), the agent who brought tragedy upon their family, a woman so diabolical she has an penchant for stilettos and spotless teeth. I guess she has no last name, either, but that Southern accent is a charmer.

Hanna knows little about the world except what her father reads to her from an old encyclopedia. He fills her head with facts as if he is defining her cover, which he is. Her childhood life is confined to a book of fairy tales. Even then, she shows a detachment. Hanna knows her life will have no storybook ending or chance for her to find her prince. No, Hanna is going out there to kill Marissa. That's her happily ever after, if she can accomplish it.

Notice I don't refer to her as "home-schooled." The home-schooling families I know don't raise heavily sequestered killing machines, despite some stereotypes floating around. One of those is best expressed in a t-shirt I recently saw for home-schooling parents: "Oh... I forgot to socialize my children!" Hanna's socialization comes on the job, as she sets out with her father to get Marissa before the ops get her.

Her trek takes her through Morocco, Spain and Germany, as she links up with a free-spirited British family on what I gather is a perpetual holiday. It's here where she's exposed to some semblance of joy in the form of a girls night out. Even then, she can only allow herself so much diversion when her senses react with a hair trigger. Something as innocent as a fluorescent light comes with an aura of suspicion. Hanna is not ignorant of everyday life as much as she is defensive of it, where a potential threat could lie around every corner. Even a simple friendship to the Brits' chatty daughter Sophie (Jessica Barden) comes with thick strings.

Marissa is drawn as an icily bureaucratic terminator. She is allowed no sympathy, no empathy, no moral compass. Just get rid of the girl and Dad. Eliminate the loose ends. Clean up the mess. She's just as roguish as the rogues she's tracking, if not worse. Of course, trying to take out Hanna proves to be more than a simple job, and you have to wonder how her CIA bosses would overlook a rising body count.

Hanna is an independent action thriller with a brain. I like how it doesn't drive the protagonist to a choice of her mission or her life beyond throwing in a few hints here and there. It also resists the temptation to throw in a love interest. Hanna doesn't have the time to get sucked into a Twilight-type teen heartthrob dilemma suitable for airing on the CW.

You know, maybe this film can kick off a new genre: the high-concept teen spy thriller. Hanna isn't James Bond, but I'm sure we can find someone who can cut it.

Being Beck

As you've probably heard by now, Glenn Beck is ending his Fox News show. The parting is amicable, we're told, and it won't be the last we see of him.

Before I go any further, I will tell you openly that I didn't watch Beck's show, despite the "try it, you may like it" coaxing or scoldings of my conservative friends. Well, I did. When I did, I felt like I was 1) watching or listening to somebody on the verge of a breakdown or 2) getting a lecture from a fringe professor in a mild nightmare from my MU days. I did watch his rally in Washington last year and gave it a mixed review.

The new parlor game is whether he jumped or slipped. Beck is leaving Fox with solid numbers, even with ratings declines, the shadow of 400 Fox advertisers boycotting his show, and a stream of criticism.

Could he have spun way too many doomsday theories? Could he be too fringed for even Fox's outspoken lineup? Do people have an aversion to chalkboards?

Or perhaps the reason is a basic showbiz flaw: the act is getting stale. People aren't tuning into Beck perhaps because they know him too well. They know his politics and peeves and push-buttons. Nothing surprises them anymore. Nothing gives them motivation to keep tuning in, especially when the star of the show gives them little to hope for in America.

It is my thesis that political talk-show hosts intentionally stir the pot to keep their shows on the air. Polite talk makes great dinner table conversation but lousy Arbitron figures. Rush Limbaugh has figured out how to keep from falling into a rut after more than two decades on the national airwaves. I'm not sure Beck has learned the secret.

Averting Eyes

A friend recently pointed me to this mini-teaching about ladies and modesty, and how men struggle with lustful urges:



This is perspective I don't often hear: modest dress is not only honorable to GOD, and good for your self-respect, but it's also better for men who are trying to live for GOD but still struggle with sinful desires.

I gather I'm in the minority among my male peers because I find a lady in an 18th Century dress a beautiful sight to behold. Bikinis, nah. Short shorts, nope. But still, I'm having to avert my eyes a lot.

On Friday evening I was grabbing a burger at the brand-new In-N-Out near the Tucson Mall. Some teenagers with a church group were sitting behind me in T-shirts and jeans, nothing provocative... until one of the ladies suddenly bent over to grab something off the floor and I realized -- to my shock and horror -- that her pants and her shirt weren't coming together like they should. I re-directed my eyes out the window to the darkness of Oracle Road.

I'm not immune from lustful thoughts, either; I'm still a guy and I don't have the gift of celibacy, although sometimes I wish I did. But I can tell you this: I pray for GOD to help me be a light in this world, and in answering those prayers, HE is helping make temptation less of a threat (Romans 12:2, 1 Cor. 10:13). You draw nearer to GOD, and HE will draw nearer to you (James 4:7-8).

I am so thankful for young ladies who cherish their modesty, not only for the aforementioned reasons, but also because they realize they have a choice in this world, and they don't have to choose what the world is telling them to do. They can be what GOD made them to be, without shame, without guilt, without feeling like they're not a real woman because they wear something that falls below the knee.

Thank you GOD, for helping me to be a gentleman beyond that person in breeches and a three-cornered hat.

Making It On A Congressman's Salary

According to Talking Points Memo (TPM), Republican Congressman Sean Duffy of Wisconsin says he's still struggling to meet his bills despite a $174,000 salary. Yet he still says he'll take a pay cut. Newser is reporting it too, for those of you who wouldn't be caught dead reading some "lib-rul" blog, as is KMSP in the Twin Cities.

As TPM quoted him:

I can guarantee you, or most of you, I guarantee that I have more debt than all of you. With 6 kids, I still pay off my student loans. I still pay my mortgage. I drive a used minivan. If you think I'm living high on the hog, I've got one paycheck. So I struggle to meet my bills right now. Would it be easier for me if I get more paychecks? Maybe, but at this point I'm not living high on the hog.

I'm going to sidestep the controversy over a video clip that appeared in the TPM article and instead focus on Duffy's cash-flow analysis. First, TPM doesn't point out that your congresspeople have to maintain two homes: the one in their district and the place in Washington where they're bedding down while Congress is in session. That also comes with travel expenses and incidentals associated with the back and forth. I gather those student loans include law school, which is never a bargain. This is before we even get around to the expenses of a family of six. If you're wondering about staff expenses, your lawmakers get an allowance for those. Rep. Duffy's wife works as a teacher, bringing in a little bit more, but she stands to take a pay cut in as Wisconsin's new budget goes through.

I can only delve so deep into Duffy's books without breaking a few privacy laws, but let's suppose Duffy's household income is closer to $200,000. That's still at least double what a lot of us make. I can only hope he's paying down his mortgage and education expenses as quickly as possible and not putting himself deeper into hock on credit like his employer.

But what troubles me is that many people don't know the difference between the cost of living and the cost of living it up. Bravo to Duffy for driving a used vehicle. The depreciation on a new car has me vowing never to buy a new ride ever again. A lot of people confuse a want with a need. They have to have those clothes, that house, that car, that furniture, that iPad. All right, I admit I just splurged for an iPad 2, but I'd been saving up for that out of overtime pay.

Maybe instead of giving Rep. Duffy flack about his stated money struggles, we should be encouraging him to budget better. I've become a big fan of Dave Ramsey's cash-only financial system. I know single-income families who make 25 percent of Duffy's pay who live comfortably and happily. These folks clip coupons. They shop at the second-hand stores. And they tithe. Yes, 10 percent off the top is going to GOD, and GOD is blessing their lives.

Duffy agreed to cut his pay. Granted, he hedged a bit, but he still agreed to do it. Would he agree to one of Dave Ramsey's money makeovers?

The Blue And Gray, Presented In Sepia

For those of you wondering what happened to Pvt. Francis of the 1st Virginia Volunteer Infantry, he sent us these daguerreotypes from We Make History's Civil War Ball, in remembrance of that great conflict that began 150 years ago... and reassurance that all was not dark during our nation's darkest times.

Daguerreotypes provided by M. Cynecki

The young Confederate private has a peculiar longing for the days of his Colonial Virginia ancestors, when the minuet was in fashion.  The kepi may have replaced the tricorn, gray now replaces the red white and blue, but something beautiful remains.  And as always, Virginians love to dance.

Our host and hostess, the renowned Colonel and his lady, greeting the many belles.  Hoopskirts fill the floor, floating and twirling about.

As part of the procession, a certain stately air is required. One could set a book upon the private's head and it would remain in place.

Standing at attention, and ready to dance.  One must give the ladies their proper space to make room for those beautiful hoops.

Giving proper honors to the ladies.  Everyone has their methods, and some bow lower than others. No matter, as long the belles know you are thankful.

The young soldiers stand at attention, ready to honor a selection of young Virginia Belles...

And here they are, one from each county in the Old Dominion, the ladies we have the highest regards and hopes for, the ones we're praying for, the ones we praise for their devotion to GOD and to making an impact on the world.

The young Private considers himself honored to escort at least one of them.

By request, the method of choosing a partner for one dance falls to the floor.  More specifically, to the shoes on the floor deposited by the belles.  Find a shoe, and one finds his Cinderella....

...but you'll have to fight for it.  The young Confederate prefers the flanking maneuver to avoid casualties.  These ballroom warriors are not the only anxious ones.  Our commander must fret about losing some men before the Battle of 1st Manassas.  (That's Bull Run if you wear a blue coat.)

Fortunately, everyone survives without a scratch and is in top form to charge forward again and again.

And afterward, finally, gracefully, that Colonial-minded Confederate can at last share a minuet with his beloved dancing partner.

More from this beautiful evening here.

Reel It In!

Dearest Dancing Friends, no preview to the Civil War Ball would be complete without a tribute to a enduring favorite, the one dance people long for and remain long on the floor for -- the one, the only, Virginia Reel!

From the 2009 Olde South Ball:



And from the Greenfield Village Civil War Remembrance Weekend 2010:

Home Is Where The Ball Is

Many great grand balls took place in spacious halls, and so shall it be at the Civil War Ball. But often all that was required was a spacious parlor, and so it was at the Second Annual Civil War Ball at the Smith Trahern Mansion in Clarksville, Tennessee.

The historic setting adds to the ambiance, just as the hoopskirts and uniforms do, even if there is a little less room to move.

This Is Gettysburg, And This Is What We Do

Dearest Dancing Friends, I know many of you are probably curious about how the people at historic balls learn all the dances. Perhaps you've thought about coming to something like the Civil War Ball, but you're afraid you'll be outdanced, or worse, shunned because of an extra left foot.

Nonsense! We learn on the floor, and our dancing masters are more than happy to teach. That is how it is done with We Make History, and it is the standard procedure at a plethora of balls, like this one in Gettysburg.

Watch, listen, and learn a few moves...

When Those Happy Warriors Return To The Floor

As we continue our march towards the Civil War Ball, I present for you another popular dance of Civil War America: Soldier's Joy.

Here it is, performed by Victorian Dance Ensemble, accompanied by the Susquehanna Travellers Band. And I threw in "Money Musk Reel" and "Lancer's Quadrille" as a bonus.



Do I hear a call for an encore? You got it! Here's the "Spanish Waltz," "Tempest" and "German Waltz."

Patty Cake, Patty Cake

It's a ball week, Dancing Friends! This time, it's the annual Civil War Ball, the 150th Anniversary Edition as presented by We Make History.

The neat thing about this dances of this time is that they're very lively and quite easy to learn, unlike some of the old English Country Dances of your patriot ancestors. Still, you can see remnants of playful gestures from some of those old dances in this old dance, the "Patty Cake Polka."